What comes into the light, gets lighter
This post is about being vulnerable, about opening up to others, and about giving yourself the opportunity to put your fears, hopes and dreams out in the open; into the light. Think about what you’ve been dealing with entirely on your own. Maybe it is something you’d rather keep private for now. Or maybe it is something you aren’t quite sure how to even begin talking with someone about. This could be happy, sad, downright crappy or anything in the between.
Doing life with others
I tend to see modern advice sending a message of independence and aloneness. In my opinion this isn’t a good message to send. At least for me, over the years I took this too far. Of course only maturity can tell us which advice to listen to and which not; but the more I see people living alone, and doing life completely alone; the more I worry. Personally I really do not believe we are supposed to do life alone.
We of course should be discerning of who we let in, and who we open up to; but this is exactly what is important. Learning to grow as a person in relation with others. What I mean by this, and this is from personal experience; is that being in relationship is important. It helps us grow in a different way. No matter if this is with a best friend, a dance partner, a romantic relationship or even with a family member. The ability to grow our empathy for another and set appropriate boundaries is literally what ALLOWS life to be good.
Think of the difference between achieving your goals, giving birth to a child or even reading a book WITHOUT being able to celebrate or share with another. Versus reading something interesting and sending a screenshot. Or getting advice from someone who went before you. Even having a celebration with another over a small success feels better than being alone for every moment.
Does it take courage to share with another? Yes. Can it be scary to open up about your hopes and dreams? Yes. But, in the end it is super worth it!
What is put in the light, gets lighter
Sharing with another person, and putting yourself into the light, allows us to also get to know ourselves better. When we start to open up, we can determine how we personally feel, around that particular person, but also admitting our faults, mistakes, and successes. Please also note, I’m not suggesting sharing extremely personal things on social media, or even with a large group. But having one or two confidants to admit things to. Perhaps it is a best friend, maybe it is a pastor, or maybe further yet, it is an internet friend you’ll never met. Either way, having someone to discuss things with allows us to get it out, get it in the open and generally makes things lighter.
The admission of a big thing, good or bad to the right person; immediately makes it better and easier. If it is heavy and shameful, the person can help put things in perspective and lift the burden from your heart. If it is super joyful and exciting, the person can help you celebrate and enjoy the moment of success, thus honoring you! One of the best parts of this, is that the same goes in reverse. When your person has something sad or huge to open up about, you get to be the helpful one.
Storytime
Over the past year or so, I have been fortunate to reconnect with a cousin in my very large extended family. It was amazing the difference between keeping things bottled up, thoughts in versus opening up, laughing together, crying together and encouraging one another. And, all this from 500 miles apart, during a pandemic where we didn’t connect much in person.
Through sharing our lives, our hopes, our worries, and our frustrations in a productive way (sometimes we vented, and the other listened; and sometimes we asked for advice and problem solved).
The ability to open up and be completely, 100% myself, to actually express what I was thinking without having to worry about the wording, or how insecure it made me sound, allowed me to get everything out into the light. Not only that, we learned from one another’s life experiences, his very different than mine. Because we were able to be so open and honest with one another, we could actually truly take all of the exchanged advice. And, if we didn’t like what the other person suggested, we said why and neither took it personally. We never had a ‘told you so moment’. But we did have lots of, ‘you are enough’, ‘it is going to be okay’ and ‘keep going’ moments.
To the person I am writing this about, as I write this, little tears of appreciation come to my eyes. Thank you for your wisdom, your time, your help with my hiking trip and everything in between. Especially thank you for letting me be me and talking me through the early part of this year when things weren’t as secure! You are the best. It is all going to work out in the end.
One last thought
There is a quote that says, ‘if you aren’t ever your true self, no one can truly love you.’ This goes hand in hand with the above post. Being true to yourself and admitting out loud your deepest thoughts, allows another person to get to know the ‘real’ you. And with this, comes about the ability to feel love.
Only you know if you are being fully yourself, open and honest with your thoughts. When you are open and honest, you know you are receiving authentic unconditional love from another. If you aren’t being open and honest, the other person doesn’t have the chance to get to know the real you, and they may feel love for you – but in actuality, they don’t even really know you. The difference is only known within yourself.
Therefore, I urge you today, to think about how open and honest and true to yourself you present yourself to be. Start being more authentic today. Some people may not like the real you, others may not appreciate you in your fullness. Those that stick around or new friends that are made, will be more authentic connections. You will know deep in your heart the person they know, is the person you are.